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Entertainment

Zod’s Demands

In this summer’s “Man of Steel”, Superman will have to do battle with General Zod, a member of the Kryptonian military so evil that he’s thrown in the alternate-dimension Phantom Zone, which served as a prison for the criminals of Krypton, by Superman’s dad, Jor-El. For those who aren’t aware, Zod first appeared in “Superman II”, where he was played by Terrance Stamp, where he famously told Christopher Reeve’s Superman what he should do when Zod was around.

Why am I telling you this? Easy. Because Woot had a poll this morning, the subject of which was “Things You Should Do Before Zod”. Because it’s early in the morning, I may have made a stupid joke about it to my father. He may have come up with a retort. This may have gone on for far too long, and I may very well share all those jokes with you now, because it’s before 8:30AM and they’re still amusing me, dammit.

  • He once worked as a chef. His Sous-Chef always hated working for him, though, as he kept demanding more potatoes for his dishes. “PEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He loved going to Sea World, but was kinda pushy about what animals he wanted to see. “SEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He decided to run a used-car dealership. His ads were pretty catchy. “DEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He loved collecting 35mm movies. “REEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He considered becoming a physician, although his bedside manner left a lot to be desired. “HEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He figured he could be a dog-trainer to pick up some extra cash. “HEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • His favorite pass-time is fishing. “CREEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He hates it when his Jell-O takes too long to settle. “CONGEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He wanted to play the part of Annie Sullivan in The Miracle Worker, the play about Helen Keller, but he ad-libbed too much. “FEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • His other dream role was Fagin in Oliver. “STEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He is a big fan of metallurgy. “ANNEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He sends a lot of packages via FedEx, but never has any packing tape. “SEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He is very impatient when he’s hungry. “MEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He spent a summer as a pig farmer. “SQUEAL BEFORE ZOD!”

I will be sure to update you further as they continue to come to us, because if you can’t make stupid General Zod jokes on the internet, where can you make them, really?

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

This Week

The Onion: Jesus, This Week

“Maybe next time we have a week, they can try not to pack it completely to the fucking brim with explosions, mutilations, death, manhunts, lies, weeping, and the utter uselessness of our political system,” said basically every person in America who isn’t comatose or a complete sociopath. “You know, maybe try to spread some of that total misery across the other 51 weeks in the year. Just a thought.”

+1

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

Baby With A Lightsaber

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

Today’s Video Awesome: The Wolverine

The international trailer for “The Wolverine” inspires some cautious optimism. Could it actually be… good?

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

Calvin and Hobbes

The universe is a better place knowing that this exists. High fives to Uproxx, who has more information on how this wonderful thing came to be.

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Entertainment

The Greatest Comedy of the Generation of Blah Blah Ever to Do a Thing on a Thing

Fantastic.

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Entertainment Life, Y'Know? Science

Bucket o’ Sloth

THIS. FOREVER.

Hat tip to Sara.

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

Wired on Why the Battle of Hoth was a Major Blunder by Darth Vader

Awesome.

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

Star Wars: Machete Order

For when you want the prequels to not make you want to beat George Lucas half to death with a Gungan.

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Entertainment Linkin' Log

Neil’s Puppet Dreams

Neil Patrick Harris, puppets, song and dance numbers… What else would I possibly want in an internet video, really?

And if you have the hankerin’ for more NPH and puppets, you can watch all of the Neil’s Puppet Dreams videos from the Nerdist YouTube Channel here.