Also, for the record, if you’re thinking of contacting me to argue about this, or just be a shitface in general, you can figure out where the unfollow button is on your own.
When you woke up this morning and put on your bland suit in preparation for your hearing, I bet you looked yourself in the mirror and thought: Today’s the day. Katie Porter’s not going to get me.
Well, I’m Representative Katie Porter’s whiteboard, and I’ve got a message scrawled upon my glistening façade: We’re about to kick your ass.
The exchange between Rep. Katie Porter of California and an official from the CDC during a hearing yesterday was awesome. This monologue from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency is an equally-awesome companion piece.
If you haven’t seen Rep. Porter mopping the floor with the officials from the CDC yet, you should 100% watch the video below before you read the piece on McSweeney’s. It’s worth your time, I promise.
My dogs and I have spent the past few days with the iPhone 11 Pro Max, and I think they would agree when I say that it is an excellent camera for humans who enjoy photographing dogs. As a test of camera performance, dogs are my gold standard: They don’t stay still, and capturing their details (fur in particular) is a challenge. Not only is the iPhone 11 Pro Max capable of taking dog photos of great variety and visual accuracy, it can take them in the low-light conditions dogs so enjoy and with studio effects that do a good job of making them appear as adorable as they truly are.
This has replaced the TechCrunch review of the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus as my favorite iPhone review of all time, which is a ranking that I’m not proud of having but what can you do, y’know?
eD! and Dave discuss lunchtime mishaps, the Popeye’s chicken sandwich, and a follow-up to one of the first Dave’s News Corners he ever made us suffer through.
I genuinely enjoyed this episode, and I hope you do, too, but if not, that’s really on you, y’know?
So far, the excellent Beats Powerbeats Pro true wireless earbuds have only been available in black, but the other colors announced several months ago — ivory (off-white), moss (green), and navy — are arriving by the end of this month. They’ll also cost $249.95.
Apple tells me you’ll be able to order them online beginning on August 22nd at 12:01AM PT / 3:01AM ET. All three new Powerbeats Pro colors will start shipping on August 30th and should be in Apple’s retail stores on that day as well.
Jeff purchased the PowerBeats Pro earlier in black, and kept telling me how great they are, so I’m glad the version that will match my weird “must have navy/midnight blue for all the things” is coming out so I can finally get on his level.
eD! and Jeff discuss birthday celebrations, the horrors of LaGuardia, the somehow more horrifying O’Hare, and hot fudge.
There’s a lot of airport talk in this one. I won’t apologize for it, though, since it’s all part of maintaining my reputation as an Internet Bad Boy.
Konami has announced the latest in the slew of shrunk-down retro consoles, the TurboGrafx-16 Mini. Six games have been announced so far for the system, which will be released in Japan as the PC Engine Mini and in Europe as the PC Engine Core Grafx. It’ll have two USB ports for controllers and support a five-way multiplayer adapter.
Amazon.com founder and Washington Post owner Jeff Bezos was investigating how The National Enquirer got ahold of the steamy text messages he sent to his mistress. The National Enquirer, you might imagine, wasn’t keen on that:
Something unusual happened to me yesterday. Actually, for me it wasn’t just unusual — it was a first. I was made an offer I couldn’t refuse. Or at least that’s what the top people at the National Enquirer thought. I’m glad they thought that, because it emboldened them to put it all in writing. Rather than capitulate to extortion and blackmail, I’ve decided to publish exactly what they sent me, despite the personal cost and embarrassment they threaten.
Good on Bezos for standing up to these buckets of slime posing as humans at The National Enquirer, but woe be unto us, the rest of humanity, as the likelihood that we’re going to see Bezos’s Bits has increased 700%.
There’s a new episode of Nearly Coherent but, between the devastation of Puerto Rico, the ongoing feud between Trump and the NFL, and the shooting in Las Vegas on Sunday, there was a bit of frustration for Jeff and I about just cracking jokes about stupid news shit, so a majority of this episode is us getting our yell on for people’s stupid hot takes.
But when we needed a break from that, we did find some stuff that was slightly amusing, because we can’t be all “everything is shit” all the time, y’know?
Cow Farts are Killing the Environment
Farts are the stock and trade of Nearly Coherent, so when I saw this headline from Gizmodo, I knew we had to discuss it:
Sadly, I didn’t really read the article before we spoke about it, and my internet connection was being a turd so I couldn’t do a “read faster than Jeff can ask questions” maneuver, so all we really spoke about was the headline, but, still, what a great headline, right?!
A Buncha Shit Re: DC Comics Movies
I’ve been pretty vocal regarding how I feel about DC Comics’ current run of movies — specifically, they’re garbage and the company has no idea what the hell they’re doing at all — and apparently Warner Bros. has started to feel the same way, as they announced that they’re going to focus more on standalone films from now on.
Personally, I think this is a great idea — DC has always worked best in my estimation when they embrace the idea of their Multiverse, and this will be a strong differentiator for their properties from Marvel Studios. Sure, this adds a variety of ways that they can totally screw up, but this makes it easier to walk those screw-ups back in a much faster way.
That was more or less that for this week… Fingers crossed we can make it to next week without some other Earth-shattering catastrophe to distract from stupid crap! (I’m not holding my breath on that one, though, to be honest.)
Go listen to the episode yourself at Nearly Coherent or wherever else you go to get your podcasts. Whatever makes you happy.
About 92% of Nearly Coherent is Jeff and I talking about random crap we’ve seen on the internet. We used to say we’d tweet out links for these articles so that anyone can follow up on whatever we’ve discussed, but we’d usually forget.
Apple released iOS 11 on Tuesday, bringing with it a bevy of new enhancements. Instead of talking about that, though, I focus on the aspect that excited me most that day — an update to the Procreate app that allows for wet-on-wet painting like you’re Bob Ross. It’s pretty delightful, and you should absolutely buy Procreate on the App Store.
Speaking of Bob Ross, Jeff and I share a weird fascination with the guy, and I’ve blown entire days in crazed Google Holes about the guy and his painting method. If you’d like to also be weirdly intrigued by the guy I refer to as my life coach, you should read the Wikipedia entry on him.
If you want to get to the saucy part — the dismissal of the New York art world of his work and his rivalry with his mentor William Alexander — you’re going to want to skip right to this New York Times article on Ross from 1991.
Jeff had a few questions on mesh networks, and, lucky for him, I had several answers. If you’re looking to get a mesh networking system of your own, I recommend the Netgear Orbi, which you can purchase from Amazon.
And just in case you think I’m totally full of crap, that’s also the one that The Wirecutter recommends, so there.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
I’m a font of useless information, and when we got into the topic of Bob Hoskins, our discussion naturally turned to one of my favorite movies, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. After Jeff asked me if I had ever seen Cool World, and I went into a whole bit about why the work in Roger Rabbit holds up better than just about any other live action/animation mix movie made. The source of that rant is this post from an article on Sploid, which has a video that goes into detail about the work done to make the world of Roger Rabbit feel more real than Cool World or Mary Poppins ever could.
The Mad Pooper
If there’s a story about poop, you can bet we’re going to find it and talk about it in great detail. While Jeff only skimmed the headline, I read all about Colorado’s Mad Pooper on Deadspin, and now you can, too!
That should just about cover it! Go listen to the episode yourself at Nearly Coherent or wherever you go to get your podcasts, we’re easy.
- Probably. Whatever, I’m dumb occasionally. ↩