I have seen the “Star Wars”movies a considerable number of times, and not once had I noticed that Vader’s costume clearly shows what he’s packing besides his lightsaber. But now, it’s all I can see. In a photo of Vader and Palpatine “crossing swords”, no less.
Why is it that there are tons of scholarships for academically excellent students, tons of scholarships for academically challenged students and not a damn thing for the majority of the students in the middle? We don’t know, either. That’s why CollegeHumor is going to give 2 lucky average students $5,000 just for being themselves. That’s right, enter below and if you’re judged to be normal enough, you could WIN $5,000 TO APPLY TOWARD YOUR TUITION. Did you sign up for 3 clubs but never attend meetings? Is your GPA a 2.1? Would some of your professors have a hard time remembering if you were in their class? If so, enter now! We hope you’re not exceptional.
Perhaps this will help my mediocre brethren succeed where I once failed.
Today marks the start of the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, a yearly exposition where tech companies show off what new, idiotic crap they’re going to peddle to the world for the next 365 days, and I already have in my vote for what could be my favorite device announced: The Lenovo IdeaCentre Horizon. It’s a a 27″, 17 pound Table PC. What’s a Table PC, you ask? I’m sure the fine folks at Lenovo would be happy to explain it to you!
As a Table PC, Horizon can lie flat on any surface, lets two or more people use the screen at the same time, supports interactive physical gaming accessories and is designed for touch screen game-play among several players. Horizon takes advantage of Windows 8 touch functionality to bring customized games from Electronic Arts and Ubisoft to life in a way players have never seen before. Horizon can also easily transform into a 27-inch high-performance desktop to handle whatever productivity tasks users need to do.
Still confused? Maybe this two-minute video will get you on the path to Understanding-burg:
[Sorry, gang: This video doesn’t exist anymore. Which is probably for the best, since this whole thing was a dumbass idea to begin with that, spoiler alert, did not work out for Lenovo anyway. Love, eD! from 2015]
What an incredible video! I mean, not for the product, because boy howdy does this seem stupid, but the fact that two young girls can, in the amount of time it takes the father to make a cup of coffee, move that entire computer from his office to their room down the hall without him being aware! And look at how effortlessly mom carries the thing into the living room when she needs to make a video call on Skype!
Granted, the video does leave me with a few questions that are thus far unanswered, such as:
They clearly show this thing is being powered by a battery. What sort of battery life does this thing get?
If the battery life is more than 22 minutes, is it being powered by a tiny nuclear reactor?
If it is a tiny nuclear reactor, is that what mutated everyone into having the sort of super-strength that would be required to not be pissed about having to pick up a 17 pound device every time you wanted to move to a new location? Or does it just make you docile enough to not be pissed about carrying around a 17 pound device from room to room due to some irreversible brain-damage?
Personally, I don’t think those questions are enough to prevent us from being enthusiastic about how stupid this product is; if anything, they should enhance our enthusiasm and make it grow! I mean, seriously, this is the dumbest thing I’ve seen since the Microsoft Surface – not the current one, whose marketing hook is “listen to the awesome click our keyboard cover makes!“, but the one Microsoft announced back in 2007 and has since re-dubbed the Microsoft PixelSense. Granted, that thing was meant more for businesses, but given how often you see it in public, you can guess how well it did in the market.
So high-fives to Lenovo for really trying to fill a niche that the market didn’t even know it wanted: giant-ass tablets that are cumbersome and whose value over a traditional computer seems to be that you can lie the stupid thing down and play digital air-hockey on it. It will be available, barring Lenovo coming to their senses (which they most assuredly won’t), this summer, and will cost you $100 per pound.
I don’t know, I’m woefully under-informed on the issue… I’m really linking to this because my Mom sent me this article in an email saying that the coin should have House Speaker John Boehner’s face on the coin, since his party is the one causing the issue, and that made me think that a great name for the coin would be the “Boehner’s Boner Memorial Coin”, because that would be comedy gold.
Every so often, a thought gets into my head that makes me realize that for all the times I’ve been told that I’m a pretty smart person, I may, in fact, be the biggest idiot on the face of the planet.
It’s not that I am lacking in any real intelligence, per se – I mean, granted, it took me longer than it had any right to take for me to learn that no matter how you phrase it, adding “3” to “4” will always equal “7” – it’s just that sometimes something painfully obvious to the rest of the world may very well have been missed by me for years.
And, in case you’re doubting me, here’s the one that hit me this morning:
At the end of every Sleepy’s Mattress commercial, they play the same stupid jingle – “We’re the mattress professionals, doing it right… Trust Sleepy’s for the rest of your life”. It’s completely annoying, and will be stuck in your head until you finally smash your face into a wall. (That may be just me, though. YMMV, naturally.)
The thought that went through my head since I first heard that jingle until yesterday:
Man, Sleepy’s expects some serious loyalty from their customers… “Trust us for the remainder of your days”? What is this, some religion? How freakin’ stupid!
Then again, how often do people really buy new mattresses? I’ve had two in my lifetime, and the second one was only necessary because I wanted to move into a queen-sized bed. Hang on, let me check on the internet.
Interlude: I spend 2 minutes researching mattresses, then somehow move to night caps, then night shirts, then remember that Marshall on “How I Met Your Mother” wore night shirts, which lead to watching 8 hours of “How I Met Your Mother” on Netflix. Then, remembering what I went online for in the first place, went to Yahoo! Answers.
Holy crap! Apparently, there’s people who will keep their mattress for 40 years! I mean, if you live until you’re 80, then there’s a good chance that you could have a mattress from Sleepy’s for the rest of our life! That’s freakin’ crazy!
The thought that hit me this morning:
Oh, they mean “the best rest of your life”. That makes a lot more sense, I guess.
So there you have it: I’m a dope. And in case you still don’t believe me, I can promise to continue recording my spontaneous cases of stupid here for you all to marvel at as they occur.