Apple announced a new version of the iPad Pro today, and, folks, spare a thought for my bank account, ’cause I wants it.
In the way of actual updates, it’s more or less what we’d all expect — a faster A12Z Bionic processor, WiFi 6 networking, which (with the right router) can allow download speeds of 1.2 Gbps (up from 866Mbps), and support for 30 different LTE cellular networking bands, up from 29.
That one band will make all the difference, I’m sure!1Full disclosure: I am not sure.
Apple also announced mouse and trackpad support will come with iPadOS 13.4, which will be released on March 24th — that’s the one thing Jeff has been asking me about for months, so he’ll be extremely happy with that.
Finally, Apple announced a new Magic Keyboard, which won’t be out until May, which sucks ’cause I want it now, dammit!
It has a trackpad, backlit keys (that use the scissor switches that Apple has mercifully gone back to on the 16″ MacBook Pro and new MacBook Air, also announced today), a USB-C port with passthrough power for your iPad, and viewing angles that I cannot wait to try, just take my money Tim Apple.
My dogs and I have spent the past few days with the iPhone 11 Pro Max, and I think they would agree when I say that it is an excellent camera for humans who enjoy photographing dogs. As a test of camera performance, dogs are my gold standard: They don’t stay still, and capturing their details (fur in particular) is a challenge. Not only is the iPhone 11 Pro Max capable of taking dog photos of great variety and visual accuracy, it can take them in the low-light conditions dogs so enjoy and with studio effects that do a good job of making them appear as adorable as they truly are.
So far, the excellent Beats Powerbeats Pro true wireless earbuds have only been available in black, but the other colors announced several months ago — ivory (off-white), moss (green), and navy — are arriving by the end of this month. They’ll also cost $249.95.
Apple tells me you’ll be able to order them online beginning on August 22nd at 12:01AM PT / 3:01AM ET. All three new Powerbeats Pro colors will start shipping on August 30th and should be in Apple’s retail stores on that day as well.
Jeff purchased the PowerBeats Pro earlier in black, and kept telling me how great they are, so I’m glad the version that will match my weird “must have navy/midnight blue for all the things” is coming out so I can finally get on his level.
This episode is proof-positive we’re in the Darkest Timeline. Sorry!
Trump v. Sportsball
No one is more upset than I am at Trump’s feud with the NFL and Stephan Curry, both because I’m a hard-line supporter of the First Amendment and because now I know things about sports, which is the last thing in the world I wanted.
This isn’t really a big deal — you can always expect pretty big leaps in technical capabilities between the first generation of a device and the second or third, and you can especially expect it when the device is made by Apple. The people who might be a little annoyed by this, though, are the people who bought the first generation solid gold Apple Watch Edition, which started at $18,000. They might have expected a little more longevity out of their purchase.
Then again, they were dumb enough to buy an $18,000+ Apple Watch, so they’re kinda getting what they deserve, honestly.
A $350 Jean Jacket
Jean jackets are back, much to my dismay, and Levi’s released their new Commuter Trucker denim jacket yesterday, which retails $350. Admittedly, it’s a jacket with a li’l technological trick up its sleeve… by swiping or tapping the fabrics on the left cuff, you can control your smartphone via Bluetooth. It’s also made in partnership with Google, so you don’t have to worry about the technical know-how of the fine folks at Levi’s in the hopes that the thing will work, which is nice.
That said, for $350, you can also buy an Apple Watch and not look like a time traveler from 1997, which might be a better look all-around, if you ask me. But hey, it’s your money, spend it how you want, weirdo!
There’s plenty more in the episode to entertain and probably horrify you, so visit Nearly Coherent or wherever you get your podcast fix to give it a listen.
About 92% of Nearly Coherent is Jeff and I talking about random crap we’ve seen on the internet. We used to say we’d tweet out links for these articles so that anyone can follow up on whatever we’ve discussed, but we’d usually forget.
Well, we won’t forget anymore!1 Here’s all the stuff we talked about in episode 36 for your further-reading pleasure!
Apple released iOS 11 on Tuesday, bringing with it a bevy of new enhancements. Instead of talking about that, though, I focus on the aspect that excited me most that day — an update to the Procreate app that allows for wet-on-wet painting like you’re Bob Ross. It’s pretty delightful, and you should absolutely buy Procreate on the App Store.
Speaking of Bob Ross, Jeff and I share a weird fascination with the guy, and I’ve blown entire days in crazed Google Holes about the guy and his painting method. If you’d like to also be weirdly intrigued by the guy I refer to as my life coach, you should read the Wikipedia entry on him.
If you want to get to the saucy part — the dismissal of the New York art world of his work and his rivalry with his mentor William Alexander — you’re going to want to skip right to this New York Times article on Ross from 1991.
Jeff had a few questions on mesh networks, and, lucky for him, I had several answers. If you’re looking to get a mesh networking system of your own, I recommend the Netgear Orbi, which you can purchase from Amazon.
And just in case you think I’m totally full of crap, that’s also the one that The Wirecutter recommends, so there.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
I’m a font of useless information, and when we got into the topic of Bob Hoskins, our discussion naturally turned to one of my favorite movies, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. After Jeff asked me if I had ever seen Cool World, and I went into a whole bit about why the work in Roger Rabbit holds up better than just about any other live action/animation mix movie made. The source of that rant is this post from an article on Sploid, which has a video that goes into detail about the work done to make the world of Roger Rabbit feel more real than Cool World or Mary Poppins ever could.